Raleigh's tips for successful villains

Hello and welcome. If you're reading this, you're probably a villain aiming for the big leagues or a hero aiming to take out a big-leaguer. If you're the latter, please stop reading. Frankly, it's cheating. And no one likes a cheater.
So now that we've gotten rid of anyone who shouldn't be reading this, let's begin. A lot of villains make mistakes. Even big league villains, like Doctor Doom and Magneto, make mistakes. In fact, they make them all the time. I make them all the time. And I'm the greatest technology based villain ever to walk this planet, not to toot my own horn. So I've compiled this little guide to help you guys become more successful and hopefully move on to major success. These aren't arranged in order of importance, so take them all with equal weight.
1. NO MERCY. This is very important! Heroes may show a villain mercy, but as a villain you can't afford that impulse. If you give a hero a second of slack, they will jump on you, knock you out and drag you off to prison. And that's not an enjoyable experience.
2. Always have a backup plan. No plan is foolproof. Even if you've considered every possible angle, always remember, there's always room for luck in every equation. Sudden gusts of wind, unexpected passersby, random power developments, you've gotta be ready for anything and everything. Heck, one of my master plans was ruined just because I didn't notice a tomato sauce stain on Chimera's pants and my cyborg death machine had developed a tomato allergy. These weird things happen and you've gotta be ready for them. Always have an escape plan, at the very least, if not a full-blown secondary plan to achieve your goal.
3. If you're just coming up on the villaining thing, do not draw attention to yourself, unless that's part of some big master plan. Villaining is a very competitive business. If you draw attention to yourself too early and try to make too big of a splash, you may make some big names nervous and that results in hero/villain team ups. And those NEVER end well for the person they're teaming up against. Start small. Bank robberies are a good starting point. They build up a decent supply of cash, as well as giving you excellent practice for later in your career. More importantly, they generally only tend to draw smaller class heroes. However, if you're screwing around in New York, watch your back. Even big name heroes like Spiderman watch for bank robberies. And if you think you can beat Spiderman, I'm afraid you're sorely mistaken.
4. Try to arrange your nemesis. Every villain has one. The Green Goblin has Spiderman. Lex Luthor has Superman. Brother Blood has Cyborg. Loki has Thor. Try to make yours convenient and don't just let it happen. This is why care is of the utmost importance. If you crush someone's science project by accident, don't just ignore it and walk away. Apologize. Who knows if the nerd who's project you destroyed will devote their life to making yours miserable. Remember, behind those pimply exteriors can lie dangerous intellects. Nemeses can be very useful at times. They will always try to claim fights with you, pushing more big name heroes out of the way to grapple with their nemesis. Also remember to have fun with your nemesis. Frame them for ridiculous crimes. Dump them in septic tanks. If you find out their secret identities, fill their house with mice or legos. Prank call their loved ones. But remember, never kill their loved ones, since this will always send them into a blind rage which will result in your spine being pull out through your kidneys. In fact, try not to kill people at all, if you can avoid it.
5. Try to cut gloating down to a minimum. Exercise some common sense here. I know that many of you will have king-sized egos, but try to keep them under control. Gloating can give a hero critical information or that crucial moment that heroes always seem to find in which they kick you from here to New Jersey. So watch your mouths.
6. Please, please try for competent help. So many plans have been ruined by cruddy henchmen. Yes, I know that many of you are strapped of cash. But shell out for some minions with above room temperature IQ. If they can't figure out how to fire the death laser, fire the laser at them before they accidentally fire it at you. Here're some tips for handling your minions. Treat your minions well. Give them proper equipment and health benefits. Remember, a happy minion is an attentive minion. However, don't give them maps, or make the minion who carries keys very conspicuous. This is just making things easier for the heroes to find their way around your base. And finally, encourage them to join the minion's union. It provides a lot of good minion classes and will make your minions happier.
7. Make your goals achievable. Don't just go straight for world conquest. The jump's too big and you'll probably take a big fall. Be realistic. Understand that you won't be able to take on the world right away. Start small. I suggest stealing some minor artifact to get started. My first job was stealing a sealed box for a small time crime boss in San Francisco. Needless to say, it all went downhill when I found out that the guy was a Luddite and the box contained a metal eating virus...I didn't get paid, but I didn't get my armor eaten off. So I'd say it was a win-win situation.

So that's all I've got for today. I may publish a new edition if this one goes over well enough. And by well enough I mean you netophiles actually buy it and don't just download it illegally. Or scan it and send it to your friend. Regardless, go do some evil, people!

Those Guys with Silly Hats

There are many nerd stereotypes. Here’re the ones I fill:
Gamer (video games, card games, board games, etc.)
Wears glasses
No fashion sense
Fondness for odd clothing, such as capes, fedoras and unusual trousers
Reads constantly
Doesn’t go out on Friday or Saturday nights
Lacking social skills
Intelligent
A lot of computer time
Fascination with gadgets
Ragbag of random knowledge
Deep love of cartoons

A lot of people think that being a nerd is a bad thing. “No one except nerd girls will date me.” They whine. “I won’t get invited to parties. I won’t play any sports. Wah wah wah.” Whiners. Being a nerd can be a very good thing.
First of all, grades. You don’t get a lot of stupid nerds. Nerds tend to care about their grades and success in school and life more than jocks or “popular” kids do. We think about our future and our options, rather than limiting ourselves to one thing, like sports. I’m not going to knock the jocks that can actually succeed doing that kind of thing. But too many guys (and maybe too many girls) hitch their wagons to that star and end up getting set on fire and crashing when it goes nova. That’s why nerds tend to be a lot more successful in life. I’m not going to list the successful nerds. Hundreds of nerds before me have done that.
Next is chemical health. You don’t see many abuser nerds, at least in high school. We tend to not get invited to the parties where that stuff goes on. Not to mention too aware of what that stuff does to your body. Sure it makes you feel good in the short term, but when all your organs are gone, I’ll be the one laughing. Nerds also tend not to be heavy drinkers, in some cases because of the aforementioned awareness, or shyness, or simply fear of what our parents would think. But it’s pretty much the same. I can’t speak for nerds later in life, but in school nerds tend towards the clean. I mean in terms of chemicals, not hygiene. There’s a reason there’s a sign at the front of my card store warning people to use deodorant or get out.
And finally, fun. Nerds have as much or more fun than “popular” people. I refuse to say jocks, because they seem to have buckets of fun playing sports and I’m not sure I can match that. “Popular” people apparently are busy worrying about being stabbed in the back, maintaining their reputation, setting up parties and trying to keep up with fashion, in addition to grades. Nerds, on the other hand, just worry about the grades and having fun with our friends. Honestly, I’d rather be sitting in my basement, at the table, playing Magic the Gathering with my friends than be at a party, feeling awkward and pressured. My friends never pressure me to do anything, except to get a new game or go into a new deck archetype.
All in all, I’m proud to be a nerd. We have the best hats (hence the title), the best games and the best movies. The jocks can keep their blood sports, their masculine rituals and their copious quantities of sweat. The “popular” people can keep their social paranoia, their expensive clothes and their loud parties. I’m a nerd and proud of it!

The inner ring? More like the dinner ring!

Yes, I know, lame title. But I was bored.

Anyway, I was fascinated by this essay. Everyone knows about inner rings. That they're inescapable and we're always trying to get inside of them. I actually disagree with his claim that it's possible to escape trying to get inside of them. I think by trying to stay outside of them, you create your own "inner ring" of people who try to stay outside of inner rings. In other words, they're as inevitable as death. Especially with the internet. The net has created all sorts of new inner rings and desires to get inside of them. World of Warcraft, for instance, has clans. These clans can be considered inner rings, the more prestigious and famous ones being more desirable than the awkward, small ones no one has heard of. Internet forums are inner rings. Even recognition of your name on the internet in and of itself can be an inner ring, one I'm working on getting into. It's coming along well, if you're interested.
He also talks of becoming a scoundrel. And I don't think that one has to be trying to get into an inner ring to be a scoundrel. I think some people are just scoundrels because they can be. I, for instance, am a scoundrel because I enjoy the distress and irritation I can inspire by simply being a scoundrel and doing scoundrelly things.

On Transcendentalism

Transcendentalism is a large movement that was started in the 19th century by a group of philosophers. It was composed of new ideas in literature, religion, culture, and philosophy that all stemmed from the idea that instinct was more important than rational thought. The part of it that really appeals to me is the religious part that the individual holds the divine within him or herself. This part of transcendentalism inspired one of the original tenets of my personal religion, which involved the worship of self above abstract influences, which is very similar to the transcendentalist idea. I believe that man's destiny is shaped by something otherworldly, but his daily life, goals, hopes and dreams are shaped by man himself, rather than by said otherworldly being.

It was also a literary campaign to make distinctly "different" literature, which I find to be quite a good goal to have. They certainly succeeded, since they established a school of writing that still persists into today. I have not tried my hand at transcendentalist writing, but all the nature and love and believing in yourself doesn't really appeal to me. I'm really oversimplifying what the transcendentalists wrote about, but when it all boils down that's really what it's all about.

Info found at: http://www.transcendentalists.com/what.htm

What I'm thankful for

I'm not generally given to thoughts about what I'm thankful for, but I thought that it seemed like the best topic, considering my family's only tradition is traveling somewhere for thanksgiving and that's not happening this year. So I decided to consider what I'm thankful for. And what I'm thankful for is benevolent people. There are a lot of malevolent, angry, unhelpful, greedy, selfish, people in this world. So I'm thankful for the people that aren't. All those people who love everyone else, who try to be helpful, who truly wish everyone the best. Those people are the reason the human race still exists. And I'm thankful for that.

On entitlement

Frankly, I don't think anyone is entitled to anything. You need to work for your stuff! Probably the most obscene example of entitlement I've heard about was a family that was so obese that they couldn't go out and work, so they had to get money from the government to stay alive. But that's not all. They claimed that because they were all obese, they were entitled to more money to support their lifestyles. I think that's disgusting and the government should stop giving support to bottom feeders like them. Like I said, no one is entitled to anything. Except for whiny people who think they're entitled to good treatment. All they're entitled to is a swift kick in the rear. You need to work to succeed. I used to not have to work for good grades. When I got to high school, I finally realized that I wasn't entitled to those grades. I was just smart and I wasn't having to work. And that wasn't going to fly in high school. So I started working and I started succeeding. Simple, isn't it? If you can work, and you've got skills then you've got a good chance at success. Who you know and where you've been help, but they're not essential. So I think those whiners from good families can take their pedigrees and toss them. Because in my world, you work for your success!

Animoto: Justice for All

Claim: The world is filled with crime and injustice and the justice system must be strong to oppose it.
Reasons: Without the justice system, the country will collapse into corruption, theft and murder. The justice system isn't as strong as it should be and the punishments aren't as punitive as they should be. Criminals need to be harshly dealt with, otherwise people won't take the punishments seriously and will continue committing crimes.
Warrant: The justice system prevents crimes.

In terms of the images I chose, I put negative images first (Theft, corruption, deception), then followed it with images dealing with justice (Supreme court, gavel, court scene) and ended it with fireworks, symbolizing the demise of the criminal and the victory of justice. I put them in that order to show what the problems with the world are, then show the justice system solving those problems. I did essentially use climactic order, starting with the evil and rolling up to the good. These images serve as the reasons because the evil images show the crimes that are running rampant and the good images show justice being meted out, which is one of the reasons we need the justice system.

In terms of the music I chose, it took a while to decide. I tried a few pieces, including O Fortuna and No More Sorrow, but finally decided on Thunderization because it felt the best. The dramatic tune underlines the importance of the message I'm sending. I anticipate that it will have the effect of keeping them on the edge of their seats, since Thunderization is exciting music and should keep their attentions. The musical line is hard hitting and fast paced. In terms of dynamics, it's all fortissimo or forte for the whole piece. The piece is entirely instrumental, with a hint of electronic music. The trumpets are very noticable, which is an important part for me. In the olden days, judges were announced by trumpets sounding. If I had chosen different images, with more climactic order, I probably would've used O Fortuna, since it doesn't just jump into the exciting music, but rather climbs slowly up to the pounding drums and blaring trumpets.

Justice: Some like it hot

So I was listening to my podcasts and on the Magic School Bus James Cagle was talking about a variation on a Lorwyn block deck, Quick n' Toast, called Justice Toast or White Hot Justice. Though Lorwyn block is past (rotated out early October to make room for Zendikar), this caught my interest. I am a strong believer in Archon of Justice, for whom the deck is named. Quick n' Toast was originally a three to five color deck, based largely on aggressive creatures and controlling the board. Justice Toast replaces a couple of the cards with Archons of Justice. The Archon is a 4/4 flier for three and two white, which, when it is put into a graveyard from play, removes a permanent from the game. This is a solid, solid card and Cagle explains why it was so good. I'm not going to bore you with any further Magic-related details, since at this point you're all either confused as a groundhog in a croquet game or as bored as a tree with beetles.

This argument made me thoughtful. Cagle was very persuasive and encourages this build with hard facts, such as the deck's winning records and its effectiveness against other decks in the format. His inflection and tone are very casual, although his tone is serious. He pauses during his explanation of the deck to allow either his cohost to put in his thoughts or to allow the listener to think about some point he just made. He emphasizes the Archon's effectiveness against some of the more terrifying cards in the format (Cloudthresher, Oona, Garruk, etc.) and its strength before its effect activates. Not to mention its similarity to the original Toast build and how well that deck did. All in all, Cagle convinced me and made me think about how obscure, possibly unplayable cards can be quite good and, if it was still Lorwyn block season, I would definately consider building Justice Toast and running out to play it.

Celebrities vs. Important people

I remember the first time I found out that my parents are paid less than a major league baseball player. I also remember how infuriated I was at how idiotic America is. You see, my parents are both surgeons. My dad is a trauma surgeon, saving the lives of people who are injured in accidents and other distressing circumstances. My mom is a breast surgeon (please boys, no snickering), saving the lives of many women who would otherwise fall to cancer. And these good people are paid less than some idiot who can swing a bat or run with a ball. Personally, I think that there's something HIDEOUSLY wrong with that. Also, I heard that airplane pilots are paid less than your average bartender. Again, my point is proven. The man keeping you up in the air and alive is paid less than the man who makes you your alchoholic beverage. If you were old enough to drink, that is. And if you're reading this and you're not Mrs. Cardona, what are you doing with that whiskey? Put that away. '

I think that this unfairness of monetary distribution is probably part of America's overemphasis on leisure. We put our own comfort above our safety or the wellbeing of others. I won't deny that I myself have been guilty of this. I have. Quite frequently. I am also aware that if I don't stop, this post will make me a hypocrite. This is a sacrifice I am willing to make. I think that America has to get off its butt and pay more to the people who matter. Johnny Depp isn't going to save your life if you get in a car accident. Brett Favre isn't going to fly you safely from Minnesota to Florida. Kayne West isn't going to teach you how to calculus. But he will do this. So we need to pay essential jobs more than nonessential jobs.

And if you disagree, I'd like to have a conversation with you. No, that wasn't intended as a threat, I'd honestly like to hear your reasons why you think that sports stars and celebrities should be paid more than the hard working people who keep us alive and make our world work.

PS: Look at the bottom of the page for my awesome campaign poster!

Animal Rights

I really feel strongly about animal rights and I feel I have a completely different side than Hearne or Singer. I feel that animals have rights, but not in the same sense as humans. They're not humans. Some are closer than others (apes, dolphins, etc.) but they're not at the same level of sentience as humans. And if they are, they're hiding it really well. I feel that animals should be well treated and respected, especially in respect to their habitats. Even animals to be slaughtered should be well treated until we kill them. Because let's face it. If it weren't for us, they wouldn't exist. This BS that animal rights activists spout about freeing farm animals? You know what that would be? Near genocide. Those animals couldn't survive on their own. And if we all stop eating meat like those bizzaros want us to? Again, genocide. That's what those races of animals were bred to do. Be food. And if they stop doing that, what will they do? Absolutely nothing. Farmers who breed cows and pigs and other food animals will stop selling them, will become poor and will be unable to feed their animals. And that will result in those animals starving to death. And then we'll see those cute cows on the endangered species list. Do you want that? No. Keep buying steaks.

I do, however, agree that animal testing has to be moderated somehow. The examples given by Singer mortified me and I am shocked that such things are allowed to occur. We rant and rave against torture of our fellow man, but mice and cats and who knows how many other animals are being tortured for no good reason? Now don't take this the wrong way. I'm not some PETA freak who wants to go and "rescue" all the animals from labs. I understand that mice breed at a ridiculous rate and are good for cancer research and that they're not allowed to test on humans (Which is dumb. There are 6 billion of them and increasing...). But the electric shock or starvation test? Thoroughly unnecessary. There should be a government organization set up to regulate this kind of thing.

So yeah. I don't agree with Hearne or Singer. I think they're both going about it the wrong way. They both had good points, but I still don't think either of them quite had it.

Hah, Magic cards! Complete with Savor the Flavor-ish thing!

In a land called Belaria...there is a race of creatures called the Culdeg. They are descendants of demons and as ruthless as their ancestors. They have enslaved the race of lesser demons, more commonly known as imps.


These imps are used as servants and cannon fodder in the Culdegs' various wars of conquest. They die by the hundreds, but the Culdeg have developed methods by which they can create imps from prisoners, slain enemies or even from the pure black mana that runs through their land.

The Culdeg are incarnations of black mana. Ruthless, cunning, cruel and willing to go to any lengths to achieve their goals. They care about no one and expect no one to care about them. The butchers are sent into combat to decimate forces with their dark magic, even though such magic is unstable and often catches their allies or themselves in its deathly cold grasp.


The Culdeg are lead by a king, whose word is relayed by his champion, Malady. Malady is an incredibly powerful knight, wielding an equally powerful artifact. Green Blaze is the name of the sword he wields. Any struck by it are afflicted with a terrible curse. If they perish before the curse expires, they themselves will rise again as an imp in the service of the Culdeg empire.

So, if you ever visit Belaria, avoid Culdeg territory and their capital of Eldreth at all costs. It might just save your life.

Original Image locations:
Imp
Butcher
Malady

Literacy and Identity

I feel that literacy and identity are intrinsically linked. Even if you don't read, the words you hear and learn and therefore use work their way into your personality. If all you hear are fancy words and ornamented phrases, the odds are good you're going to be at least a little froofy yourself. Conversely, if all you hear is cursing and spitting and other varieties of bad language, odds are you're going to be coarse, if not downright rude. I personally am a grab bag of nonsense, since I've read all sorts of books, from ornately worded classics to gruesome and crude urban thrillers. This has lead to me having a very versatile personality and vocabulary.

Comparing essays

I resonated more with Orwell's writing because I feel more cynical and therefore resonate more with his cynical view of writing. Also, I was able to identify more traits of myself in his writing.

TOO...MUCH...POWER!

I can post from email. 

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My promises to you as FINAL BOSS.

As your FINAL BOSS, I promise to have a really huge base loaded with hideous monsters and to have a group of elite minions who I will send out to do my evil bidding. I will commit atrocities and destroy civilizations, but only after the heroes have looted all valuables from the locales, unless they're stupid and don't bother to pick up all the items. In my final battle, I will have a swirling, psychedelic background that will threaten to give people seizures and at least five forms, so that hard core heroes will not be disappointed. I promise to disguise myself as a hero and help them out, to maneuver them into helping me get what I want.

All in all, I promise to be evil, devious, merciless and really, really awesome.

Once and for all!

Hi. My name is unimportant. All you need to know is that you should be voting Pana for FINAL BOSS. You may be wondering what I mean by FINAL BOSS. It's irrelevant what I intend to be final boss of. It could be anything. I could even be the FINAL BOSS of this High School. We'll just have to see. In the mean time, I'm just going to post random things here. It could be anything. I could post a new magic card I made. I could post a description of Neo-Dimir. It could even be a page with a single letter, that indicates my next horrible scheme. You'll just have to see. Good day to you, peons.

And as always, VOTE PANA FOR FINAL BOSS.