Raleigh's tips for successful villains

Hello and welcome. If you're reading this, you're probably a villain aiming for the big leagues or a hero aiming to take out a big-leaguer. If you're the latter, please stop reading. Frankly, it's cheating. And no one likes a cheater.
So now that we've gotten rid of anyone who shouldn't be reading this, let's begin. A lot of villains make mistakes. Even big league villains, like Doctor Doom and Magneto, make mistakes. In fact, they make them all the time. I make them all the time. And I'm the greatest technology based villain ever to walk this planet, not to toot my own horn. So I've compiled this little guide to help you guys become more successful and hopefully move on to major success. These aren't arranged in order of importance, so take them all with equal weight.
1. NO MERCY. This is very important! Heroes may show a villain mercy, but as a villain you can't afford that impulse. If you give a hero a second of slack, they will jump on you, knock you out and drag you off to prison. And that's not an enjoyable experience.
2. Always have a backup plan. No plan is foolproof. Even if you've considered every possible angle, always remember, there's always room for luck in every equation. Sudden gusts of wind, unexpected passersby, random power developments, you've gotta be ready for anything and everything. Heck, one of my master plans was ruined just because I didn't notice a tomato sauce stain on Chimera's pants and my cyborg death machine had developed a tomato allergy. These weird things happen and you've gotta be ready for them. Always have an escape plan, at the very least, if not a full-blown secondary plan to achieve your goal.
3. If you're just coming up on the villaining thing, do not draw attention to yourself, unless that's part of some big master plan. Villaining is a very competitive business. If you draw attention to yourself too early and try to make too big of a splash, you may make some big names nervous and that results in hero/villain team ups. And those NEVER end well for the person they're teaming up against. Start small. Bank robberies are a good starting point. They build up a decent supply of cash, as well as giving you excellent practice for later in your career. More importantly, they generally only tend to draw smaller class heroes. However, if you're screwing around in New York, watch your back. Even big name heroes like Spiderman watch for bank robberies. And if you think you can beat Spiderman, I'm afraid you're sorely mistaken.
4. Try to arrange your nemesis. Every villain has one. The Green Goblin has Spiderman. Lex Luthor has Superman. Brother Blood has Cyborg. Loki has Thor. Try to make yours convenient and don't just let it happen. This is why care is of the utmost importance. If you crush someone's science project by accident, don't just ignore it and walk away. Apologize. Who knows if the nerd who's project you destroyed will devote their life to making yours miserable. Remember, behind those pimply exteriors can lie dangerous intellects. Nemeses can be very useful at times. They will always try to claim fights with you, pushing more big name heroes out of the way to grapple with their nemesis. Also remember to have fun with your nemesis. Frame them for ridiculous crimes. Dump them in septic tanks. If you find out their secret identities, fill their house with mice or legos. Prank call their loved ones. But remember, never kill their loved ones, since this will always send them into a blind rage which will result in your spine being pull out through your kidneys. In fact, try not to kill people at all, if you can avoid it.
5. Try to cut gloating down to a minimum. Exercise some common sense here. I know that many of you will have king-sized egos, but try to keep them under control. Gloating can give a hero critical information or that crucial moment that heroes always seem to find in which they kick you from here to New Jersey. So watch your mouths.
6. Please, please try for competent help. So many plans have been ruined by cruddy henchmen. Yes, I know that many of you are strapped of cash. But shell out for some minions with above room temperature IQ. If they can't figure out how to fire the death laser, fire the laser at them before they accidentally fire it at you. Here're some tips for handling your minions. Treat your minions well. Give them proper equipment and health benefits. Remember, a happy minion is an attentive minion. However, don't give them maps, or make the minion who carries keys very conspicuous. This is just making things easier for the heroes to find their way around your base. And finally, encourage them to join the minion's union. It provides a lot of good minion classes and will make your minions happier.
7. Make your goals achievable. Don't just go straight for world conquest. The jump's too big and you'll probably take a big fall. Be realistic. Understand that you won't be able to take on the world right away. Start small. I suggest stealing some minor artifact to get started. My first job was stealing a sealed box for a small time crime boss in San Francisco. Needless to say, it all went downhill when I found out that the guy was a Luddite and the box contained a metal eating virus...I didn't get paid, but I didn't get my armor eaten off. So I'd say it was a win-win situation.

So that's all I've got for today. I may publish a new edition if this one goes over well enough. And by well enough I mean you netophiles actually buy it and don't just download it illegally. Or scan it and send it to your friend. Regardless, go do some evil, people!